Saturday, January 3, 2009

Is it...

too crazy to be afraid to hope? Not in the sense that "all hope is lost" or anything like that. But Scarlet has sounded so good in the last 10 days. I can hardly believe it. I have been waiting for the other shoe to drop, so to speak, but she has been sounding, well, normal. It has been the longest stretch of time since the end of August that she has not had some type of wheezing or noisy breathing. To top it all off, she is on NO medicine except one tiny little inhaled steroid, which she has been on for 2 months anyway. She goes back to daycare on Monday. Please keep that one right on the top of your prayer list (good naps = healthy, happy baby and a mama with peace of mind). She also goes to see the pediatric pulmonologist on Thursday, 1-8 @ 3:30. That would be a good time to pray for wisdom and clarity in a diagnosis and next steps forward to solving this mystery. In the last week or so when she has had a "weird" moment, and I have almost started freaking out (because at this point in the game, I have two levels...okay and NOT OKAY!!), my heart has, almost instantly, heard a quiet whisper of trust.

The (good) chaos that is our life begins again in full force on Monday, and I am gearing up for that journey, let me tell ya. If I sound more hopeful in this post, I guess I am, but cautiously so. I'm sure you have all experienced, in one way or another, the letdown of getting your hopes up for something that is good, only to have been lulled into a false sense that it's all gonna work out..this time. I don't want to experience the after effects of that, so let's just say I am moving through the days and obligations with my fingers crossed behind my back and holding my breath...just maybe not as much as before.

As far as Christmas goes, what can I say? I won't bore you with the details of what everyone gave and received (although, Santa was very generous). I had hoped differently for a first Christmas as a family of five. However, I guess that means we don't have to do too much to go way above and beyond expectations next year! Scarlet and I will wear our Christmas duds to church this Sunday since we missed the official coming out party and spent that Sunday at home with me willing her to eat and breathe in and out and then of course, there was the infamous ambulance ride to the hospital (let me repeat...awful and terrifying).

My only prayer for 2009 was for peace and good health. For you, too.

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